I Hate You. Welcome!

I have been thinking lately about the contradictory nature of some artist’s relationships with their own performance. Mainly how you would think aspects they possess would pretty much remove performing as an option in their lives. For instance, there are many performers out there who have had terrible stage fright but go out and perform. Donny Osmond comes to mind as the most extreme example. And everyone knows the story about how James Earl Jones overcame his stutter to become the Voice of everything from Darth Vader. Verizon, CNN and cartoon characters.

I got to thinking this because my own quirk is that I hate being around crowds of people and yet, I try my damnedest to attract them to shows and make them comfortable. I just spent a Thanksgiving where, after calling my family, I didn’t utter a sound for three whole days except to speak to a librarian. It wasn’t the first time I have done it, nor is it the longest I have gone without speaking or human contact.

When I went to the Smithsonian for a summer vacation, I would be there when the doors opened and then would have to leave by 2 pm because the press of the crowd just annoyed me. I wanted to punch out the school kids running unsupervised through the place heedless of the fact I almost stepped on them. (Not the mention the fact they hogged all the interactive exhibits!) I would hop back on the Metro and go back to my camping spot in rural Virginia. Then I would go back in and continue the next day.

When I go shopping I park out near the edges of the lot and walk back in because I don’t want to deal with the lot sharks who circle and circle looking for a spot up close. Worst of all, they stop, blocking traffic out to the road while they wait for someone to back out when they can drive 3 car lengths and have their choice of 5 empty spots.

The thing is, I have worked at and even organized outdoor festivals where tens of thousands of people show up. I have worked hard to insure there is sufficient parking, a variety of food, enough trash barrels and smooth process for admitting the audience. I don’t mind this at all. Perhaps it is a control issue because subconsciously I know that I have the power to throw ’em all out.

Lest one think I didn’t mind because I had hundreds of acres to spread my crowd out over and avoid bumping in to them, I point out that I have turned the same planning to indoor shows seating thousands of people as well.

I can’t say that it is because I enjoy organizing and throwing big parties because despite being a pretty good cook, I have never had anyone outside my family over to my house for any sort of party. I usually end up picking up the trash after any event I do so it isn’t like I enjoy organizing these big events because I have someone else around to do the clean up.

So there you go, I have no idea why an anti-social person like myself would ever invest himself so much into attending to the details of organizing events for the enjoyment of large crowds of people–and then work hard to rectify their complaints.

Anyone else feel they or a friend are in a similiarly strange arrangement? Let me know!